Who The Hell Knows?


Over the years of fighting Fibromyalgia and a basket full of “other conditions” (I ran across a lady who put it this way and have adopted it lol) you get so sick of hearing the wars of is it real or made up (riiiiiiiiiiiiiight we all just have nothing better to do than have our lives turned upside down) is it all in our heads, no wait it’s in our neurological system….oh no no WAIT it’s……Who the Hell knows?  I sure as hell know it’s “not my imagination”.

In other words nobody has a clue as to where it comes from or what causes it but there sure are some interesting stories and theories.  Most of which I totally ignore.  I mean really, please, throw me an anti-depressant for my pain in my hips ya that will work NOT…..uhhhh thanks but you’re dumb.  Just because I was a nurse doesn’t make me a know it all but I do have common sense.  I know it’s real, I know what my CI has done to me and changed my life so BITE ME.

There is a theory I am a bit interested in today.  Ok so I am a survivor of severe physical and mental child abuse (ya we’ll save that for another time just know that) now I was repeatedly kicked in the head, neck and shoulders and they went for the hips when I was down on the floor.  All of which Fibromyalgia attacks.  Hold that thought.  I came across this article on a site for Adult Survivors of Child Abuse. Now this article is NOT saying its “all in our heads” it is saying damage sustained over years and years of my body taking abuse could have reacted and broken down my immune system….food for thought.  Okay so take a read and well talk some more.

Effects on physical health

Childhood abuse doesn’t just affect the mind – it affects the body too. Children who feel perpetually in danger grow up with a heightened stress response. This in turn heightens their emotions, makes it difficult to sleep, lowers immune function, and, over time, increases the risk of a number of physical illnesses. Adult survivors of child abuse are at increased risk of chronic pain and fibromylgia, gynaecological problems, irritable bowel syndrome, diabetes, arthritis, headaches, cardiovascular disease, and chronic fatigue syndrome. Adult survivors of child abuse are also more likely to smoke and drink more than other people in the community, and be less physically active. These factors all impact on the burden of ill health in many survivors’ lives.

Now, I’ve read it and the only thing that is off target for me is “less physically active” until I got so sick I was a person always on the run, working double shifts etc. I didn’t become less active until I got sick.  Okay so a person may come across this and has never dealt with abuse so this theory will be thrown out the window and back to square one but I will say this.  I had a Neurologist who was testing my functions etc one day and out of the blue he asked me “did you suffer any deep physical abuse in your life” and I just stared at him like uhhhhhhhhhhhhh and then told him briefly (after all he’s not a shrink lol) he then told me he feels strongly that people who suffered the blows to my body that I did, those who were in a severe car accident SOMETHING that hurt the neuro system could be a primary cause for the nervous system to “break down” and “malfunction”.

Once again “who the hell knows” but it certainly made for more food for thought.  Personally I don’t think FM is a “mental illness”.  I have always believed it has to do with our neurological system, a neurological disorder of the brain.  MS is a neuro illness and FM mimics it to the letter.  Coinkydink?  I think not.  There is a test that a neurologist can run but the FDA refuses to make it possible.  That is a spinal tap of our fluids in the spine and check our  substance P this is one way many doctors feel can give some answers to FM.  But it’s too “expensive” to have done so let’s not approve it.  Hey I sure as heck don’t want to do a spinal tap…been there done that for a pregnancy a long time ago and ummmm ya they suck….but if it can give me/us more answers, maybe help go in another direction on RESOLVING our illness or maybe putting into a remission so we can search for a cure…..I’d do it in a heartbeat.  Would you?

So, what is your take on this blog post?  Was just food for thought really.

Hope you’re having a pain free day!


Jamie Volner Tucson Arizona


See The Beauty In Each Day


As one who deals with primary Fibromyalgia, CFS, Sjgroens Syndrome and a slew of other co-morbidities that come along with being ill it’s often very easy to fall into a pity party for one.  Been there done it and probably will do it again at some point.  I like to think about what I can find positive or humor through this mess in the land of my Chronic Kingdom.  This can make it hard to see the beauty in each day.  It’s there we just have to look past the pain and fatigue.

My past three days I’ve been in the realm of fatiguehood (like my new word?)  You know those days right?  Where lifting your head up seems like a major effort or trying to make your limbs work but they are lead weights?  You just kind of sit or lie there staring off into space because even thinking takes to much energy.  Sound familiar?

My husband and I had to leave the house yesterday while I was feeling so bleh, heck climbing into my car took all I had.  If it wasn’t a doctor appointment I had to go to I never would have left the house.  As we were driving I was looking around in a daze and saw something that opened my eyes and lifted my spirits.  It was a guy on the corner with his dog waiting for the light to change and he was loving on him and the dog was just so happy, tail wagging and looking up at his human with so much love you could fee itl.  That brought the first genuine smile to my face that day.

I guess what I am trying to say no matter how bad your day is find a way to see the beauty in each day even if just one thing!

  • I woke up alive
  • My husband woke up alive
  • My morning coffee in my chair and all my loving little animal creatures all come say good morning to me every morning

As your day progresses and if you are bed bound find a show or a movie you know will life your spirits, I love comedy’s because laughing always makes me feel a bit better.  Maybe this sounds lame but if anything has taught me to slow down and enjoy what is really around me then my illness in some ways has been a good reminder in my life of what not to take for granted.

Tell me what is one thing today you saw that was beautiful or something that made you smile.  I’d love to hear from you.  Reach deep down past the black murkiness that dwells inside and tell me something you are grateful for, or makes you happy.

Much Love and Light,


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